10 sure-fire signs that you’ve been bitten by the triathlon bug

1.             Your bike is worth more than your car
2.             You’re invited to the hottest party of the year and your first thought is how it’ll affect training and whether you can work it into a rest day
3.             Your cabinets are filled with talc, Vaseline/Bodyglide and protein/carb supplements
4.             You have the washboard  abs you always dreamed of that are the envy of all your friends, and yet you’re more concerned with shaving a couple of seconds off your transition time
5.             All of your trainers have elastic laces in them
6.             People generally think you’re a bit mad
7.             You get up earlier at the weekend than you do during the week
8.             While others dream of winning the lottery to buy cars, villas and holiday homes, you’d happily blow the lot on Zipps, Ridley frames, Di2 gear sets and Louis Garneau aero helmets
9.             Secretly, deep down inside, although you’d never admit it, you sort of think of people who ‘just’ bike, swim or run are kind of weak
10.             You’re never, ever, ever happy with the gear you have…there’s always something else

And a few just from the men's point of view: 

·         You own more lycra/spandex than your wife or girlfriend

·         Having a shave now takes a lot longer and doesn’t just involve your face

·         Thanks to group rides, you spend way too much time staring at other men’s arses

·         You spend whole days, entire races or even long training weekends with extremely fit women wearing next to nothing and it doesn’t even raise a twitch

·         Taking your bike apart to clean it and dealing with mechanical issues make you feel all awesome and manly inside

·         They’re recovery tights? What? Whaaaat?

·         If you see a beautiful woman riding an awesome bike, you almost certainly check out the bike first

Have I missed anything? 

I’d just like to add a little something which I clearly and dearly hold to be true: while all the gear infatuation, the bright riding clothes, the long compression socks, the 2XU recovery tights and the tight spandex racesuits may suggest that we’re not in a position to comment, however…men wearing one of those three-quarter singlet type tops that expose your belly button is completely and utterly wrong, and should be a capital punishment offence. There’s just no need – they’re an affront to sighted people the world over. Cut it out – right out. OK, rant over.

Just not right